you thought you could ransom me? eat my balls squatters.

i got my domain, eatthattoast.com, after three or so years since it expired under my nose. not sure what I want to put up there yet, but it'll be awesome NO DOUBT SON

I wish there was a way to let everyone at the grocery store know that I'm not nervous and avoid contact because I'm scared of your skin color, but because I'm terrified of socially interacting with the anything outside of my apartment! Guess it's difficult to get that point across sometimes without looking like a prick though.

You could tell me that Del Frutal Mango Nectar is official beverage of barbaric female circumcision rituals and it still wouldn't change my opinion of how awesome it is.

The father of the woman with the coffee can sized vagina who gave birth to eight babies called her irresponsible. That's a pretty fair assessment of the situation seeing as how she was single and already had a ton of kids and used public funding to soil her uterus. However, he also made this statement which confuses me.
"Do not punish my daughter for what she had done and and do not punish the babies, because they were given by God."
Isn't fertility treatment like the exact opposite of God?

I gotta get back in fighting shape. It's not so much coming up with ideas as it is the execution of them. Trying to visualize animation seems to be more difficult now than it did a few years ago. Maybe my skill has dulled a little in the last two years, so I've been working on some basic exercises. I'm also working on more traditional animation with better character construction and movement. I don't have TV so I can't really keep up with things, but there's this show that I'm sure everyone has seen, total drama island, which is just absolutely terrible. It's a bunch of stereotyped teens easing in and out of motion tweens, probably on dozens of layers. It must be a boring nightmare to work on.

.
/* */
And they ripped off Napoleon Dynamite. Jeepers, if the public will eat this malarkey then I should probably reconsider what I'm working on. Screw integrity, I need to eat!

For anyone who may still care, there are new Hot Ham Water Episodes. I made them last year as content for mobile phones, which is why they are only 90 seconds long. There are probably ten or so more that I'll post in the coming weeks.

Dear Super Secret Newgrounds Diary,
I know I can confide in you, because you're like my best friend and you'd never tell anyone my deepest secrets. Ok, so I totally have some art crushes on a few artists right now. I'm not sure why, but their stuff just makes me swoooon.

The first is Kate Beaton. Her sense of humor can be descibed as witty and delightful. She has an appreciation for history like Tony Millionaire, but in a much more whimsical and Victorian way. Everything about the comics just scream "I am a dapper chapper". I experience alternating fits of jealousy and ecstasy. It's kind of like listening to Jens Lekman on your bed, legs akimbo. Maybe this community wouldn't be as appreciative of her brilliance, but certainly you agree with me SSND.

KC Green is my second crush. Boy do I have a huge boner for this guy. For someone who claims to suffer from writer's block, his brain sure is an endless font of wonderful. I'd certainly like a piece of that brain to chew on. His expressions and timing are just so...perfect. And there's something just so dandy about the way he can give anything character. If there were steroids that made you draw better, would we accuse KC of using them? Yes, we probably would.

And finally, there's Emily Youcis. I stumbled upon Walmart Siblings on the best of the month voting list and I was shocked at what I saw. This is a movie that could have easily slipped through the portal cracks and be blammed. Unlike Kate and KC, her drawings are not clean and refined. They are raw and gritty, but there's something there that most critics are likely dismissing about her. It's pure obsession and compulsion that I'm envious of. I don't think she makes animation because she wants to, but because she needs to. I wish I could feel the same way. Of the thousands of artists on Newgrounds, I don't think I've ever come across anyone who has been able to legitimately creep me out. Something like Salad Fingers is so calculated and tame compared to her stuff. You can't fake this kind of passion and obsession. I'm tempted to put on a sport coat and glasses and say that her work is too good for Newgrounds.

Ok, now don't tell nobody 'bout this SSND, or I will die. I would absolutely die!

I had a vision for something so awesome and hilarious, but it was right before I fell asleep, or it may have even been while I was sleeping. I'm sure if I had actually written down my thoughts I would have woke up and been baffled by just absolute nonsense. Things always seem a lot funnier right before you fall asleep. I think it's similar to a state of hypnosis where you become easily suggestible. I wish I'd seen The Science of Sleep by Michel Gondry. Coincidentally, a few weeks ago I was in a weird part of my dream involving adopting celebrities, and I saw a poster on the wall for Michel Gondry's new movie The 28 and a Half Hour Pirate. I want to see this badly, but of course it does not exist. If he doesn't get started on it soon I just may have to take matters into my hands.

Resolutions are for jive honkies, which is why I resolve to make a comeback in the year 2009. I realize it's been three years since I've really submitted anything of any merit. Sure, there have been a few meager attempts in 2006 and 2007 to get things going, and absolutely nothing in 2008. I need to make my presence known!
Now, I'm not one for hyping up things in development, but I can almost guarantee that it will be marginally acceptable beyond standards. I really just need to pound home the submissions this year so I can accumulate a rabid fanbase of mindless pubescent boys who take every word I say as gospel. My dream is for them to build dedicated communities hailing me in which they create a caste system based on when you became a fan. Then in time, they will grow so jaded and blind that they will ultimately lose sight and become harshly critical of everything I do.
It's just a dream for now, but it all starts with 2009!

I got an email from the head honchkrow at Keenspot addressed to all the Keentoons people saying that they had a deal where they were going to put our cartoons on cellphones. I've been working on a bunch of new Hot Ham Water content for that, and supposedly it's supposed to be going on right now. Problem is though, I have no idea how or who has these cartoons for download. I think there's a possibility that f you have verizon v-cast or sprint or vodaphone, then it may be buried in a channel somewhere. They tell me that it's a global deal, but who knows. There's also some Space Tree or Evil Josh and Billy on there too, if that makes people actually want to go check it out now....if you can find them. I honestly have no idea how this stuff works because I really hate cellphones. It seems that a good percentage of people driving are using their cellphones while doing so, and the problem with that is that majority of people (in my state especially) are sub-par drivers who assume they're the golden child of the road.

I've got a neat script that I want to do once I'm finished with all this stuff. It's going to be an educational video about something that nobody wants to talk about...because it's super gross.

(edit: I think this is how you can get the keentoons in the US, at least http://www.zappertv.com/watch-zapper-t v)